Over the past few weeks, the focus has been on the death of Pop Icon Whitney Houston and the outpouring of love the public has been expressing. So, Valentine came and went without talking about the “Love” thing.Well, the article below focuses on Love in a different light.A lot of times, we think of love as butterflies in our stomach, googly eyes across a clouded room, or just that feeling of bliss that makes our heart flutter. The article suggests that love is a choice. You kind of choose to love or choose not to love a person. It almost sounds as if you can WILL yourself into loving a person by doing things, or performing actions that make you fall in love. I do agree that a relationship takes work. Love is like a flower. The seed needs to be planted in good fertile soil, watered, and given sunshine so it can grow. However, if that does not happen over a long period of time, the plant eventually dies. So I guess they key is, never let it die folks!!!!! What are your thoughts?? I would love to hear your feedback.
Since it is the month of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would write a bit about love. What is love exactly? Many people simply say they know it when they feel it. Then there is the special thing people refer to as “being in love.” When I meet with a couple for the first time, it is not uncommon for one member to tell me they love their partner but are no longer “in love” with them. This usually goes along with them thinking the relationship can’t work any more. It’s based on the idea you have to be in love for a relationship to work, but also includes the idea we as individuals don’t have much control over whether we are in love or not. The lack of control idea is where I think most people get it wrong.
We act as if being “in love” is like catching a disease or having an accident. We “fall in love” kind of like we fall in a hole. One of the stories that goes along with Valentine’s Day suggests love is the result of being shot in the heart with an arrow. Let me suggest love is more like a pet. It requires attention, feeding, and nurturing in order to exist in a healthy way. If we want to keep it healthy we also have a responsibility to do those things. What we do in a relationship determines whether we continue to feel “in love” or whether that feeling withers away. The nicest part about this is it means what you do in a relationship today can determine whether you feel “in love” in the future.
I’m not going to get into a big discussion here about what love really is. In fact, I’ll even accept it if you want to define it as “I know it when I feel it.” But I do want to challenge you to think you have a lot of control over how much love you feel in your relationships. As you think about the love in your relationships this Valentine’s Day, let me suggest you think about how to act in ways which result in feeling more love. There are lots of things you can do to make this happen. Next month I will write about a few simple things which seem to help this feeling come about at the biochemical level.
Dr. Mark Sharp is a psychologist who specializes in working with relationship issues. He has been working with couples, families and individuals for more than twenty years. In 2006 he founded the Aiki Relationship Institute in Oak Brook, IL, whose mission is to help people create the best possible relationships in all aspects of their lives. In addition to his commitment to helping people with their relationships, Dr. Mark is dedicated to the training of new professionals. He has supervised students from several local universities over the years and teaches a class on family and couples therapy every year at Rosalind Franklin University.
Dr. Mark is happily married to Debbi, an elementary school teacher. They like to travel and try out new foods and restaurants. Dr. Mark regularly practices the martial art of aikido, in which he holds a first degree black belt.
Interestingly enough, the aiki in aikido is the same one as in the Aiki Relationship Institute. But that is another story. You can contact Dr. Mark at drmark@aiki-relationships.com or through the Aiki Relationship Institute web site (www.aiki-relationships.com).
